YA and the decline of civilization

My awesome cool girlfriend KA wrote a blog on this topic earlier today that inspired me to add my two cents to the conversation.  I highly recommend that you read that before proceeding because it will prime you for my forthcoming rantings.  It is also is more amusing, not quite as mean, and undoubtedly better written.  So, that being said, on with the blogging.

YA.  Young Adult Literature.  My first problem with the unbelievable popularity of books that fall into this category (not genre.  I will address this important distinction later) is that the term "Young Adult" itself is complete and utter bullshit.  The proper terminology for the demographic that "Young Adult" attempts to describe would be "Teenager" or "Child."  Referring to a 15 year old as a "Young Adult" makes about as much sense as calling a 65 year old a "Fully Developed Child."  Also, using the word "Literature" when classifying a category of books implies, you know, some form of literary value.  Literature always comes in the form of a book (or ebook, pdf, whatever, fuck you), however, not every book is literature.  Hemingway and Fitzgerald wrote Literature, Dean Koontz and Danielle Steel write Books.  Got it?  So let's please start calling these books what they are; Teenager Books.

So, person who is probably not reading my not very widely circulated blog, why do you read YA?  Is it because you just think they are good stories?  Might I suggest one of the other ten bazillion books that have been published in the past few hundred years that were not written in the vocabulary of an 8th grader?  I know, I know, sometimes they use big words that you don't understand and you are justifiably frustrated when this happens.  There is an APP for that!  And the really cool thing is that when you encounter a word that you were not previously familiar with, upon looking up the definition of said word, you get to keep that word for your vocabulary!  Isn't that fucking cool?!?!  And then, when you learn lots and lots of new words there are a whole bunch of Big Kid books you will be able to read with very little difficulty.

Oh, that's not it?  It's because you just enjoy the "Genre," you say?  Well, guess what my barely literate ex-friend?  YA is not a Genre it's a Category.  The genre of Hunger Games is Sci-Fi.  The genre of Harry Potter is Fantasy.  The genre of Twilight is Horror.  They all fall into the YA CATEGORY.  If you like Sci-Fi or Fantasy or Horror there are a whole bunch of books that are written for As rather than YAs.  Did you buy your skinny jeans and snuggy in the children's section of the clothing store?  Then why the fuck are you buying your books off the YA shelf at the book store?

Oh!  It's because you like to read Coming-Of-Age stories that contain angsty teens because you can identify with those feelings?  Well, apart from being kind of creepy and clinging to your foregone youth unnaturally, this is still not a valid argument for the reading of YA by an A.  There are, in fact, coming of age stories written for adults.  Having a young person as a main character does not make a book YA.  If you like Horror and want to read a coming of age story read "IT" or, if you need vampires try "Salem's Lot." 

Look, I'm sure that some of these YA books have redeeming qualities.  I bet Harry Potter is a totally charming book series chock full of of whimsical, universally appealing Coming-Of-Age drama and I bet it is a lot of fun to read.  Chuck E Cheese is a lot of fun too.  But if you try getting into that joint without a kid everyone thinks you're mentally stunted or a child molester.  Those same judgements stand for grownups who read primarily YA.  

I dig that a good book is a good book and that reading a good story is fun and exercises one's imagination.  I'm not some sort of snob who sits around reading Dostoyevsky(not that there is anything wrong with that) thinking that I'm better than anybody.  I'm a total literary shit bird.  I'm not beefing on Harry Potter nor am I beefing on people for reading Harry Potter. I'm not even beefing on Twilight. What I am railing against are adults who almost exclusively consume what is unequivocally and without a doubt written for CHILDREN.  This behavior is intellectually lazy and portends badly for the already pitiful state of literacy in our nation.  I'm not against anyone reading any book ever. All I am saying is that people ought to Triage their reading lists. Adults reading YA= cool. Adults ONLY or mostly reading YA= fucked up.


Here are the ONLY three reasons for an adult to be reading teenager books;

1.  You are a parent, aunt, uncle, older sibling, or some form of legal guardian and would like to be able to talk about books with a young person in your life in order to facilitate bonding.

2.  You teach children and find it professionally helpful to be familiar with youth culture.  Kind of like how I serve drinks to old people and I know all about Medicare Part B and donut hole coverage.

3.  You are a pop culture nut and want to be familiar with every current fad and craze, or you are a rabid reader who reads everything you can get your hands on regardless of  genre or category.  You are only allowed to read YA in this situation if YA books amount to no more than 1 in 100 books on your bookshelf or e-reader.  100:1 reading ratio, no exceptions.

If none of these scenarios apply to you you are not allowed to read YA as an adult.  Unless, of course, you are either mentally stunted or a child molester.