My First Blog; An Introduction

So I've decided to start a blog.  Whilst I generally share Travis Bickle's disdain for morbid self examination, I figure, enough people I don't despise are blogging that it must not be too much of a waste of time.  I hope it will be a good opportunity to improve my writing skills and vent some built up hostility towards humanity in general since my gimpy back and chronic laziness have prevented me from utilizing the gymnasium for quite some time.  Now that I have spent the better part of an hour picking a font for the headline, here goes.

Things you can look forward to should you decide to regularly read my blog;

-Bad grammar and spelling.  Corrections and observations are welcome, as I spent more time sneaking booze into school, smoking in the wash room, forging transcripts and reading unassigned material than doing homework and attending class when I was younger.

-Pictures and stories about my cats.  I have four (4) cats.  Because I'm an idiot.  They are sometimes adorable

and sometimes evil little bastards.

Example of adorable; Mysterion is sleeping in an old flower pot(pictured above) on top of our kitchen cabinets at the moment.  She is much to large for said flower pot but she has been sleeping in it since she killed all the flowers that originally lived in it and claimed it for a bed when she was just a wee little kitten.  Now, almost fully grown, she curls up into a little ball and overflows the sides.  It's the cutest shit ever.  Example of bastardy; My cats tried to kill me last night.  Really.  Around 5am they pulled all the drawers of my dresser to a fully open position and jumped around on them until the dresser fell towards my bed mere inches from my face.  And then, while I tried in vain to fall back to sleep, they proceeded to vomit outside my bedroom door at a volume one would expect from a three hundred pound truck who just took too many pep pills after a meal consisting of bad oysters rather than a nine pound calico.  Dicks.

-Foul language.  I swear alot.  If you know me in real life (which you probably do) I am sure you are already aware of this.  It has been said that swearing is a crutch used in place of a well developed vocabulary.  I may not have the best vocabulary, but irregardless, I just like to swear.  I like the way it sounds, I think many curse words carry a weight and meaning all their own and could not possibly be substituted for a different word that has not been labeled as inappropriate.  I find substitution words and phrases (dang, fudge, shoot, shut the front door) to be most irritating and a true mental crutch as well as a mark of cowardice.  Also, if you didn't get that my usage of 'irregardles' was meant as a joke; you can kiss my dick-hole.

Seemingly contradictory and probably unpopular political views.  I think all drugs should be legalized, I favor some form of a flat tax, and I think that health and wellness care should considered a basic human right in any enlightened and industrialized nation,  however, I think that if a person lets themselves get too fat to walk they should get a free ice pick to the temple rather than a rascal scooter.

Lots of stories about stupid drunks and crazy people.  I work at a bar in Uptown.

That's a midget with a walker dressed like a pirate wench waiting for the bus next to a hillbilly guy in overalls.  This was the same week that I threw a little person out of the bar for taking his shoes off and interpretive dancing during a matinee show.  No, there wasn't a convention.  That's just kind of how Uptown is.

So, that's how it's going to be.  You probably knew as much and have already heard me tell these stories and yell these rants many times because I am a chronic repeater.  Or, if you were just wondering about the asshole who wrote the mean or inappropriate retort to your friend's Facebook status update now you know.  And can go fuck yourself.